Another Year

Summer is here again, and what a year it has been. It's odd that I tend to measure the year by the summertime instead of resetting in January. I blame the school system. Anyway, a lot has happened in the past year. Just a year ago I was living in Ohio anxiously anticipating my move to Texas. I wondered if I would make friends, what Baylor would be like, if I would enjoy being back in the south. Well, a year has come and gone and I have realized that all of my worries about my first school year at Baylor were just that: worries. I am not saying that this year was smooth sailing because it most assuredly was not, but I have learned so much, met so many new people, and grown in so many ways. I have moved across the country, and found myself up to the task. I have ventured into a new place, and found friends. I have completed my first full year attending a unversity, and not died in the attempt (even if I did go to the hospital a couple times). I've gone through a couple relationships during this year, and found that these, more than anything else I have experienced this year, have helped me understand myself. In the end, that's all this life is about: understand who you are, and not just the over riding qualities either, but the little details. The details of my personality are those little facets that have always confused me, wrecked my state of mind, annihilated my self-concept. It would make me question myself. Does this one decision change how I see myself? Why would I feel this way if I am really the person I believe myself to be? At the end of the questions though, I always came to the same conclusion. I am Meg James; I don't have to fit into a box; and while I may not always be as consistent as I hope to be, it's ok. Life is a learning process. It's becoming who you want to be by discvering who you already are. I have found that I am more fragile and yet more strong than I ever thought I was, that I am both emotional and rational, funny and serious, and that's ok. I've realized it's ok to be me; and it's ok that I don't fully understand who that person is yet. I will eventually, and in the meantime the only important thing is to never stop searching, never stop exploring, never stop pushing myself to be everything I want to be. I know one day I will wake up and realize that without knowing it, I have become the woman I always wished to be.