Prince Charming

Being a kid was so great, no responsibility, no hurt that couldn't be fixed with a kiss, no worry of the future other than when I'd be old enough to go on the "big kids" ride. I wish I could go back, wish I could enjoy and appreciate it more than I did. I guess I thought growing up would be more simple, more pleasurable. When I was a little girl I imagined that my life would be like Aurora's in Sleeping Beauty (my favorite Disney movie). I would grow to be a beautiful, kind woman with, of course, an amazing singing voice that would entice my future true love. It's sad, but I firmly believed that I was a princess who had been "hidden" with an average family for my own safety. One day my prince would come and rescue me from my life. As I got older the view changed slightly. I knew I wasn’t a real princess, knew I wasn't the gorgeous, benevolent lady who had a gift for song. No, I was a brat, who struggled through a rather homely puberty and wrestled with her self-esteem. However, these things didn't discourage me. I wasn't a princess, but I still needed rescuing. My life was a mess, and maybe to an extent I made it that way, I wanted to have something to be rescued from. What I didn't understand was that there are already enough problems without making drama. Perhaps this is why women are so drawn to TV dramas, like bugs to a light. We want something to justify the fact that we NEED to be fought for, to be saved, even if it's only from ourselves. I can't lie and say that now that I've realized this I no longer want it. It's hard to give up something that's been ingrained in you since childhood. I want someone to come and take me in their arms and tell me that I don't need to be strong anymore, that I can let it all out. Is it wrong of me to want this? Is it juvenile to believe that there's someone out there who will do this for me? Is this too much pressure, or asking a man to be too strong? To be honest, I don't know. I keep looking, keep searching....where's my prince charming?

Some lyrics to Pink's "Long Way to Happy" that I feel describe what I'm getting at:

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Didn't know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy