Another Year

Summer is here again, and what a year it has been. It's odd that I tend to measure the year by the summertime instead of resetting in January. I blame the school system. Anyway, a lot has happened in the past year. Just a year ago I was living in Ohio anxiously anticipating my move to Texas. I wondered if I would make friends, what Baylor would be like, if I would enjoy being back in the south. Well, a year has come and gone and I have realized that all of my worries about my first school year at Baylor were just that: worries. I am not saying that this year was smooth sailing because it most assuredly was not, but I have learned so much, met so many new people, and grown in so many ways. I have moved across the country, and found myself up to the task. I have ventured into a new place, and found friends. I have completed my first full year attending a unversity, and not died in the attempt (even if I did go to the hospital a couple times). I've gone through a couple relationships during this year, and found that these, more than anything else I have experienced this year, have helped me understand myself. In the end, that's all this life is about: understand who you are, and not just the over riding qualities either, but the little details. The details of my personality are those little facets that have always confused me, wrecked my state of mind, annihilated my self-concept. It would make me question myself. Does this one decision change how I see myself? Why would I feel this way if I am really the person I believe myself to be? At the end of the questions though, I always came to the same conclusion. I am Meg James; I don't have to fit into a box; and while I may not always be as consistent as I hope to be, it's ok. Life is a learning process. It's becoming who you want to be by discvering who you already are. I have found that I am more fragile and yet more strong than I ever thought I was, that I am both emotional and rational, funny and serious, and that's ok. I've realized it's ok to be me; and it's ok that I don't fully understand who that person is yet. I will eventually, and in the meantime the only important thing is to never stop searching, never stop exploring, never stop pushing myself to be everything I want to be. I know one day I will wake up and realize that without knowing it, I have become the woman I always wished to be.

How to Argue

So, I usually don't do this, but this article made me laugh. Unfortunately it's not my own writing, but it's worth the read anyway! =)

Arguement 101 by David Barry

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguements. Simply follow these rules:

1. Drink Liquor.
Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large shots of Jack Daneils, you'll discoveryou have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

2. Make Things Up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study from the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say "You lefto your soiled underwear in my bath house."

3. Use Meaningless but Weightly-Sounding Words and Phrases
Memorize this list: Let me put it this way, In term of, Vis-a-vis, Per se, As it were, Qua, So to speak, well anyhow. You should also memorize some Latin abbreviating such as "Q.E.D." "e.g." and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you do not." Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say: "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were, Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.

4. Use Snappy and Irrelevant Comebacks.
you need an arsenal of all-purpose iffelevent phrases to fire back at your opponent when they make valid points. The best are: You're begging the question, You're being defensive, Don't compare apples and oranges, What are your parameters? This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what parameters means. Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say-"As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
Your opponent says-"Lincoln died in 1865."
You say-"You're begging the question."
OR
You say-"Leberians, like most Asians..."
Your opponent says-"Liberia is in Aferica."
You say-"You're being defensive."

5. Compare Your Opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when you opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler migh say" or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

Life As I Know It

So much has happened to me since I last wrote. I wish I could be more consistent. However, it's does no good to lament, unless it leads to change, but, of course, humans are creatures of habit. We like what we know because even if the familiar hurts, it seems preferable to the uncertainty of change. I see this in my life a lot. I've recently realized that these ups and downs, these cycles that I seem to go through don't just effect me personally, but they also effect those around me. I've known for a long time how I effect those younger than me, and I, therefore, always try to set a good example. I've even understood that adults and peers are influenced by my actions, but I never realized how much what I bring with me effects my own relationships. This sounds odd, yet it's true. I don't think I was really able to comprehend how much a relationship can be hurt by clinging to those habits that are familiar until now.
In my life I have had very poor examples of what a healthy, loving relationship should look like. I'm not using this as an excuse for my lack of success as a partner, but it does make it harder to aim when you've never been able to see the goal. In addition to this, I am by nature an introvert, which means that I tend to have a few people who I'm very close to and no one else. This also works against me in a relationship because I tend to put my eggs all in one basket. I find someone special and decide they're all I need. However, by doing this I end up placing a lot of unnecessary pressure on the individual since they are literally my end all, be all. Because I have made them everything that's important to me, my relationships tend to be serious, long, and absolutely devastating when they end.
My first relationship was very long and very immature, and sadly it is the habits I learned from that relationship that have stuck with me. I obsess about the other person and their feelings. I can't stand not being able to talk to them. I will do anything for them including things that are degrading or hurtful to myself. So, I guess there are two problems: familiar bad habits and self esteem. Not to say that my self esteem is terrible, but I do place my good friends' and boyfriends' wants and needs above my own. I always thought that this meant I was selfless, but perhaps it just means that I feel I have little self worth. It's amazing to me that placing a boyfriend above myself can actually hurt a relationship more than help it. By devaluing myself I am pretty much saying that it's ok for others to devalue me as well. This is NOT ok. A relationship can only work when both people love and respect themselves as much as they love and respect their partner.
So, I guess I have some homework to do. I need to learn beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am just as valuable as any guy I am in a relationship with. I need to make sure I keep my friendships alive even when I am with someone, and I need to not place unnecessary stress on my partner because I have made them a demi-god in my life.

Maybe I shouldn't have written something so personal, but to be quite honest it's helping me sort out a lot of thoughts and emotions, and maybe it will help someone else realize those "oh so comfortable" familiar destructive habits they may have.

Thoughts On My Generation

Today I stood outside in the rain and watched people walk silently by me. They were all in such a hurry, eyes down, umbrellas up, jackets held tightly against their bodies. Since when did we become such a quiet culture? It's odd that we brag about how much we've progressed as a society, when basic human interaction has become so devalued. I mean, I know that we have some amazing medicines and surgical abilities, but it all started because one person wanted to help another. Where would we be if no one ever cared about another? If no one cared, then we wouldn't have medicine because no healthy person would care about any sick individual. I feel that's where we're headed. Now-a-days most doctors treat patients as a means to an end (money) instead of treating the actual person. We try to deny that social interaction plays a part in our health but study after study shows just this. How arrogant of us to think we can make it on our own! I mean, no one would make it past infancy without the care of their mother. It's more than just the basics though (food, etc.) they've proven that babies who get the exact same amount of basic needs met are either healthier or more prone to sickness based on the amount of times they are touched in a day. We are social beings living in a technological world that tries to deny our dependency on other living, breathing humans. We become less socialized, more aggressive, and depressed, and then wonder why. We learn to only care about ourselves and then ask why no one else cares for us. We've forgotten what it means to lean on each other. If we could be more humble, more open, and less enamored with ourselves, maybe we as a generation could leave our mark on the world.

The Eyes of A Child

This is a small portion from a story I am writing. It's from the view point of a young girl. It's a little break from all the serious stuff....I hope y'all enjoy!





I can recall as a young girl the fascination with which I looked upon the world. Such a simple thing as a rainbow seen through a window on a train ride, or even comparing my little hand to the hand of my mother filled my mind with curiosity. I used to wonder how things came to be so big. My mom would tell me that she was my size once, and I would smile and silently think who she thought she was fooling. The thing that I never seemed to figure out though was what the big ones were always worried about. I was constantly being harassed by one of them to hurry up, but what for? Why must I dress quicker and walk faster only to sit down and continually be told to be still for an hour or so? These big ones really had no sense of time. They would grab you by the hand if they felt the need, and yet that did not satisfy some. Some of them must pick you up, press your check to their lips, and (as if that wasn’t enough) bounce you all around the place. How bizarre!

Why They Call it Falling

This time I’ll be ready,

When the tears flow down,

The hurt will be lessened,

I won’t make a sound.

This time I’ll stay steady,

My feet will not slip,

My head held high,

No quiver upon my lip.

This time I’ll let go,

No holding dead dreams,

I’ll find yet another,

Going down life’s stream.

This time I’ll stay low,

Someplace out of sight,

No one will find me,

Not in day or at night.

This promise I make,

Each time my heart bleeds,

In hopes of strength,

Yet my mind never heeds.

This promise I take,

Like an oath so solemn,

But the next time I try,

I find my heart has still fallen.

~Meg James

Friendships

Friends. They help us in the bad times and rejoice in the good. They can make our lives bearable, convince us that we are worth something when all we want to believe is the opposite. I love friendships. True friendships last a lifetime. While there are perhaps few of these, they are probably the most important measure of a life well lived. In the end it's only the extent to which we have touched the lives of our friends that matters. Only they may say who we truly are, and if we have lived a good life.

My trip to Boston was really all about friendships. Friendships that were ending, changing, and beginning. I felt overwhelmed by emotions. I wanted to cry about those that I knew were ending, that had to end. Mourning for those lost friendships is part of the process of letting go. This is where I found myself. Those friendships that were in the midst of change were more complicated. Change is never easy for anyone. No matter how much we are convinced that change is for the best, we still cling to what is familiar. Change hurts and yet at the same time it is refreshing. Finally, I made some new friends. I know that only time will tell how deep these friendships will be, but I hope and believe that they have the capacity to grow and blossom. I was truly happy to realize that there are still people out there who are genuine.

So this post is dedicated to those who still believe in the strength of friendship, to those who are willing to take the chance to trust another, to those who are willing to reach out and touch someone's life. Thanks Chris and Collin, you helped me remember just what friendship is and that it's not always a mistake to trust.